Tom (assumed name) decided to be honest even if the truth is painful to tell. Since his wife became paralyzed, he wants to leave her. “I love him very much but I’m not cut out to be a carer and I don’t want to give up on my dreams,” he confessed in a letter to Deidre Sanders, journalist for The Sun. The 30-year-old explains that they have been married for two years but that their life changed at the beginning of the year. Her companion was returning from an evening with friends when a vehicle overturned her as she was crossing the road: “She was seriously injured. We did not think she would make it. After three months in the hospital, she came home. The doctors told us she would never walk again and now she is in a wheelchair.”
The months following the accident were marked by adaptation. Supported by his mother-in-law, Tom became his partner’s part-time carer. But over time, the 30-year-old realized that he could no longer bear this daily life: “When I understood the reality of our new life, I started to panic (…) I know it’s not not her fault but she’s not the same woman I married anymore. She is, I can easily understand, depressed and moody. We were planning to travel, to progress in our respective careers and to have kids in a few years. All of that was taken away from us. I feel trapped and unhappy. The truth is, I don’t love him anymore and I’m considering filing for a divorce.”
Deidre Sanders advises him to open the discussion before leaving it
Feeling “guilty, weak and horrible” for thinking so, Tom urged Deidre Sanders for help. In her response, the latter wanted to reassure him: “You are neither horrible nor weak. You are simply a very honest and human person. It is very brave of you to express your feelings. Only those who have experienced the same thing that you can understand the terrible burden you have to carry.” The journalist also explained to him that he could not stay in his marriage out of guilt because resentment would certainly destroy the love that remained within their couple. “However, it’s still early days. You’re still in shock. Don’t make a hasty decision and talk to someone about it,” she concludes.