Love each other in health and in sickness. Words that all newlyweds hear on the day of their union. If it is simple to pronounce these words mechanically, it is much more complicated to stick to them when “the worst” happens.

It is online, anonymously, that a woman came to confide her troubles and questions about her sexuality. Asking Deidre, a regular adviser to The Sun magazine, a woman also sought her advice on how to deal with this complex situation.

A cancer that changes the game

“My sex life ended when my husband was diagnosed with cancer,” she noted at the start of the letter. “So I rekindled things with my ex,” she then added. Aged 40, she lives with her 42-year-old partner, a love story for thirteen years. “I really believe he is my soul mate but I struggled with the lack of intimacy,” she said. If everything was going for the best between them, it was in 2019 that their relationship began to falter.

A deteriorating intimacy

“We never had any problems,” she said. “But ever since he started cancer treatment, he always says he’s not in the mood or that he’s too tired,” she explained. Describing herself as a “hypersexual person”, she admitted to beginning to feel a strong absence in this aspect of her life. “It never affected my feelings for him,” she insisted. About a year ago, she ran into an ex-boyfriend in his twenties who had always told her very clearly, to be in for a “friendly arrangement”, which made her think.

Take the plunge

“We dated for over two years and used to have great sex,” she recalled. “He’s married now but we exchanged numbers and started constantly texting each other,” she commented. In him, she finds someone to listen to and a shoulder to lean on. “Neither of us intended to cheat on our partner,” she maintained, adding, “But it felt like we couldn’t help it.” The two ex-lovers meet for a drink.

Regular reunions in secret

“After a few too many drinks, we ended up sleeping together in his car. Since then we sneak in and see each other whenever we can,” she confided. If neither of them is determined to break up, they don’t want to lose each other. “I feel so guilty for hiding this from my husband but I’m afraid that if he finds out he will push me to choose. What should I do ? she asked, annoyed.

Working on her marriage

In her response, Deidre pointed out that their affair started “because neither of you could help it” and insisted that claim was false. Both partners had a choice. “Your husband is sick and needs you,” she continued. Returning to their bonds and their excellent relationship, she asked the unfaithful wife if this affair was worth risking her marriage. “Talk to him about his lack of interest in sex. Tell him how much you miss intimacy and try to solve your problems in the bedroom,” she advised. Hoping that her husband will respond well to the treatment, she indicated that as a result, his libido could return. Inviting him not to compromise his marriage, she concluded “Tell your ex that you both have to work on your marriages and that your affair was a mistake”.

TESTIMONY Sexually frustrated because of my husband's cancer I sleep again with my ex

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Maria T.
Maria T.

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