Left by his wife for his messy side, Matthew Fray spoke about this period in his book This Is How Your Marriage Ends, which is scheduled for release on April 7.
“Just after my 34th birthday, my wife left me taking our 4 year old son with her. I was completely devastated. I cried, screamed and blamed her for destroying my life” confessed Matthew Fray in an essay published in the columns of the Daily Mail. A divorce that was not easy to live with for the writer and yet he is now convinced that his ex-girlfriend made the right decision by leaving him after 12 years of marriage. According to his statements, the latter put an end to their union because he was too messy and often left his affairs behind him. An attitude that hid a much deeper problem.
For Matthew, “the problem wasn’t about the dishes left in the sink or [his] clothes lying on the floor.” In reality, it was the meaning of this behavior that mattered: “To me, it showed that I would always have chosen my feelings and my preferences over hers. She was married to someone who did not respect her and who didn’t fully appreciate her. I barely considered how my actions had affected her.” Depressed by his separation, Matthew sought help from a therapist who advised him to start a diary. This allowed him to better understand the reasons behind his ex-wife’s decision.
A lack of empathy towards his wife
After thinking about the matter for a long time, Matthew realized his mistake: “I didn’t realize that my wife was heading towards the end of our marriage every time she saw this drink because I refused to put myself in her place. I didn’t care about her feelings. I should have communicated my love and respect for my wife by not leaving little reminders that showed she was not considered or respected.” The author concluded that men should show more empathy towards their women on a daily basis: “We can show our love with lots of little gestures. If I had understood that years ago – and I would have wish it was – I’ll still be married today.”