Everyone keeps a reading of their childhood that is often different from that of their parents, especially those who have lived through very painful years. Memories so difficult that they can sometimes let a dull anger resurface in adulthood.

Anonymously, a woman reached out to Coleen Nolan, a regular adviser to the Mirror newspaper, for some advice about her mother, who was very difficult with her as a child, but wonderful as a grandma.

resentments that linger

“I am a woman in her thirties, married with two young children” she wrote in the preamble. “I have a good relationship with my mother and she is a good grandmother, but my childhood was not happy,” she added. The young woman had never, in the past, tried to broach the subject with her, keeping her feelings about her childhood to herself. “The truth is that I have a lot of resentment” she slipped.

A tough relationship without tenderness

Returning to her childhood, the young mother said: “She was a single mother and had to keep everything to herself. She also had a few toxic relationships along the way.” But the crux of the problem is her temper, which she describes as “terrible” towards her. “There was a lot of shouting, sometimes slapping and she was not warm and affectionate with me,” she recalled. If their relationship has improved over the years, since she became a mother herself, the young woman sees her feelings resurface.

Take a weight off your chest

“I am very close to my children and it bothers me that my mother never tried to talk to me or apologize for not having done better,” she noted. “However, she is now a good mother and a very caring grandmother and I don’t want to spoil that,” she said. Not wanting in any way to damage their new bonds, the young mother, however, wanted to obtain advice to relieve herself of this “weight on the chest”.

Communicate with his mother

Responding to her message, Coleen Nolan underlined the strong lack of communication between the young woman and her mother. She thus invites him to approach the subject in a roundabout way. “Maybe one way would be the next time you’re all together, tell her she’s fabulous with her grandkids and a great mom,” she commented. “Tell him how much you wish you had that kind of relationship when you were younger,” she added.

try to catch up

Inviting her to share her sadness and disappointment around this missed closeness, she invited the young woman to start on a positive note so that she could then go back. “She could tell you how hard it was to be a single parent,” she wrote. “Did you think that now she could try to make up for the past by being a good and present mother and grandmother? she concluded.

TESTIMONY My mother is a great granny but I wish she'd apologize for my horrible childhood

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Maria T.
Maria T.

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