We know that childbirth is a moment as unique as it is precious. This is why the mother-to-be generally chooses one or more people she trusts to accompany her on this wonderful adventure. But sometimes things don’t go as expected. Evidenced by the story of Emma (assumed name) whose husband is obviously not very comfortable with the idea of being present in the labor room. Astonished by the behavior of her husband, the young woman sought the advice of Jenée Desmond-Harris, the journalist who runs the Dear Prudence section on the American site Slate.
“My husband and I are expecting our first child. We disagree on the details of the delivery. I want my partner (and only him) to be here with me. He has been a great source of comfort and support during my pregnancy, but he has some trepidation about being ‘the person in the room,'” Emma said. And to add that his companion came from a country where, culturally, men generally stay at home or in the waiting room at this time. Worried, the dad-to-be explained that he didn’t know how to help and that he was afraid of being paralyzed and doing something counterproductive: “He implied that he would be disgusted to witness this ( using much trickier words).”
A future dad with little involvement?
Emma concluded her letter by asking for an outside perspective. Jenée Desmond-Harris answered him bluntly: “You have to deliver a baby, with all the pain and the risks that entails, and he does not want to accompany you without feeling embarrassed? You know what? Good. Say- him that he can do whatever he wants. Because he shows so much weakness that I don’t think he will be of much help.” The journalist advised him to call on his mother, a friend or a doula. She also insisted that her husband’s attitude may be indicative of a future lack of involvement on his part. She therefore suggested that he surround himself with his loved ones to have real support when the baby is born.