They love each other, they are happy, but now she wants more. She now wants to marry the man who has shared her life for several months. However, she had the unpleasant surprise to discover that her spouse was far from sharing her plans.
Anonymously, the 30-year-old contacted Coleen Nolan from the Mirror newspaper to get some advice about her relationship. Should she or should she not push her partner towards marriage when he refuses to do so?
A deep relationship
“I’ve been dating an amazing man for just over a year,” she wrote in her email. “We are both divorced. I’m 38 and he’s 42,” she said. Both also had children with their ex-partners. She affirms it, between her and her spouse, the agreement is perfect. “Our relationship is deeper and more meaningful than my eight-year marriage,” she said. “We have so much in common and we fell in love with each other,” she said.
Away from lifelong marriage
However, despite their intense love and their incredible connection, her spouse does not seem in a hurry to formalize their union, to her great despair. “I desperately want us to get married,” she noted. “But he rolls his eyes every time I talk about it and says that getting divorced took him away from marriage for life,” she added, explaining that her marriage ended in her ex’s betrayal. “But it’s a different relationship,” she argued.
Jealous of her friend
What completes to undermine her is that one of her friends has just become engaged. “I feel so jealous. Her partner took her to New York and proposed to her during a magical evening. Ensuring that she did not need a “huge” or “expensive” marriage, she however desires “romance and commitment and more stability for our children who have gone through divorce”. Thus, she questioned Coleen: “Am I too needy, desperate and sad or am I right? “.
Give time to time
In her response, Coleen emphasized that being in love was a wonderful thing and that it was right to want your partner to show commitment to their relationship. “However, a marriage certificate will not guarantee a ‘happy ending’,” she said, adding that she had already experienced this. Although their relationship was different, Coleen insisted that both of them had to want to get married and that it was necessary for her to respect his experience as well as his opinion. “Not wanting to get married doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or won’t be as committed,” she said. Forcing her hand or insisting on the marriage proposal received by her friend were not good solutions. “You want him to do it because he wants to and not because he feels he has no choice” she developed. Inviting him to share his feelings and, in particular, this insecurity with his spouse, she concluded “Focus on your love and see where it takes you. It could be until marriage one day.