Allowing yourself to love after the death of a spouse is never easy. Daphne* knows something about it since she can’t manage to get rid of the bond she had with her former partner. “12 years ago I met a wonderful man ‘Carl’. We fell in love and we got engaged two weeks later” she says in a letter sent to Abigail Van Buren, who writes the mail from the heart column for the New York Post. Their happiness was unfortunately short-lived: “We were happily married until I lost him to cancer six years later.”

Two years after Carl’s death, Daphne started dating again. That’s when “Philip” came into her life. “We were immediately attracted to each other,” she says. The two lovebirds are preparing to take a big step. “We have been a couple for four years and we are going to get married this summer. We are very happy,” she says. The only downside? The young woman is still very attached to her first husband. So much so that she wonders what to do for the future of her couple: “Am I wrong to marry this man I love madly while I still have feelings for my late husband?”

Reconnecting with love after the death of a spouse is a long process

In response, Abigail Van Buren was very compassionate with Daphne: “When a spouse dies, the love that the couple shared does not disappear. The love you have for Carl can last as long as you wish. You shouldn’t feel guilty.” She added, “Grieving is an individual process.” The adviser also made it clear, “That you fell in love with Philip does not diminish your love for your late husband. Celebrate your luck.” And to end tenderly: “I wish you and Philip a lifetime of happiness together.”

*An assumed first name.

TESTIMONY I love two men at the same time but one of them is dead


Maria T.
Maria T.

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