One of the keys to a strong marriage is certainly trust in your partner. When it crumbles, it’s hard to go back. In an open letter to the newspaper Slate, the one who calls herself “How to do it”, testified to her doubts about the fidelity of her spouse.
To confirm her suspicions, the anonymous wife did not hesitate to hire a private detective. Trying to silence her “hunches” and this “feeling”, she wondered now how to handle the situation.
From intuition to excavation
“About six months ago I began to suspect my husband of nine years of having an affair,” she wrote. Confident that her suspicions were only based on a feeling and not on a fact or a word in particular, she explained “I tried to ignore it because I don’t really believe in “hunches” but it was chasing me “. She then chooses to rummage through her cell phone bills, tablets and computers to find damning evidence. She also checks if her husband has changed his passwords for his various personal accounts. “Nothing really jumped out at me,” she continued.
Hire a private detective
Unable to get rid of her disturbing feeling, the wife finally hires a private detective to follow her husband for three weeks. A week will be enough to prove that he is indeed having an affair. “When I received the photos, I was ready to be disgusted, distraught and outraged, feeling angry and betrayed,” she explained. “Instead, I felt… intrigued,” she continued. “During these three weeks that he was followed, my husband took a business trip out of town and took his mistress with him. The detective was able to take pictures of them around town doing normal things,” she noted. “Looking at the photos was like looking at someone I didn’t know. My husband looked so different. There were pictures of a romantic dinner, dancing to jazz, walking through a grocery store,” she marveled. Intrigued, she asks the detective to continue his investigation.
An intriguing relationship
She hires a second person to make videos and audios of the lovers. “Over the past six months, I have spent thousands of dollars watching over my husband and his mistress,” she confided. “I find their relationship so intriguing. I even created fake social media accounts and started following his mistress just to see what they were up to. She never posts pictures of him, but she has posted pictures of places where I know she is with him. Shared, the wife does not know now if she should divorce or even tell him that she is aware of his affair. Emphasizing that married life is “really comfortable” for her, her husband being caring even if unloving, tender and romantic, she is reluctant to leave him. “He always takes me on dates, buys me thoughtful gifts for no reason, and devotes time and attention to our marriage,” she said. “Strangely, part of me really cares about whether the husband he is to me and the lover he is to her are both part of him, or is he playing a role for the one of us? “. Childless (and happy to be), she now wonders “Can things go on as they are? Should I feel bad spying on them? “.
Accept or decline the link
In her response, the Slate magazine adviser claimed to be, too, intrigued by this voyeurism having slowly settled in the cheated wife. Pointing out that this kind of deception was indeed grounds for divorce, especially given the amount of effort that went into leading a double life, she noted that the wife didn’t seem bothered by the affair. “Roughly speaking and setting aside its ethical violation(s), this is what some polyamorous relationships look like,” she said. Telling him that things could continue like this if she was not disturbed by this prank, she nevertheless suggested having a conversation with her husband to tell him that she was aware of and agreed with this affair.
A disconcerting dishonesty
“It’s not up to you to bring honesty to the table after lying, but if you did, it might make things even smoother and might inspire your husband to try radical honesty,” she said. . On the other hand, she specified “But look, his dishonesty is disconcerting”. Trying to make her realize that if her husband lied to her about this he would certainly be able to lie to her about other things, she said: “You wonder if he plays a role given the differences in behavior that you surreptitiously observed, and the truth is that he plays for you by suggesting that he is faithful”. “I think you really need clarity on this to understand what you’re dealing with, in terms of your relationship and its potential for viability,” she concluded.