31 years after the suicide of her mother, this woman shares her moving testimony on the HuffPost site. She opens up about how her mother’s suicide shaped her life. At the age of five, she was confronted with this tragedy. Her father informed her at the time that her mother suffered from a “brain disease”. The latter, in love with his wife, wrote her a column every year. He thus expressed his pain and the absence of his beloved.
Having become a mother herself, this woman was overcome by a deep sense of inadequacy, especially during the difficult first months with her daughter. To overcome this period, she wrote love messages for her little one. She carefully sealed them in envelopes and kept them in a pink safe. Driven by the desire to write a novel, she soon realized that she first had to understand her relationship with her mother. Thanks to obtaining the inquest file on her mother’s death, she was finally able to read the suicide note. The five words inscribed, ‘I was a horrible mother,’ came as a relief to her. They reflected her own doubts as a mother. Later, she discovered additional text that read, ‘I love you and I did what was best for you. Although those words brought him some comfort, they could not erase his loss.
Mother’s suicide note finally revealed
This woman has now understood the importance of her presence as a mother rather than seeking perfection. She longs to have the courage to ask tough questions, speak honestly, and share her experience through her writing. Her goal is to break the cycle of the ‘awful mother’ legacy. But she also wants to create a better future for her daughter.