You thought you had finally found the rare pearl. The person who will get you out of your eternal celibacy. You spent hours and hours on the phone imagining a future together. You were in the middle of the discovery and the happiness of the beginnings of a relationship. And then one fine day after several dates and maybe a few nights spent together: nothing. You have no more news and even fewer answers to your questions. Your flirtation is unreachable and will remain so for life. You have been “ghosted”. This very common practice for some time is a sneaky modus operandi to put a radical end to the beginning of a story.
A new, more subtle version has appeared, it is called “micro-ghosting”. 58% easily admit to having already disappeared suddenly, while people who follow micro-ghosting are more discreet. The much more insidious approach is a slower undertaking to set up. If ghosting is clear and without appeal, its variant cultivates a semblance of a relationship leaving the other within easy reach. In this case, it will be:
To limit conversations evoking a common future
To change topics if those mentioned are too personal or emotional
To cut short the exchanges by leaving it to the other to continually restart the conversation
Why is micro-ghosting more violent?
These daily micro-aggressions are the beginnings of an imminent break in contact. You did not pay attention to these different signs, but you may be a victim without knowing it. At first glance, this may seem insignificant, but the multiplication of these contemptuous actions ends up being painful. According to Mandy Mee, relationship coach and founder of the MME agency, “full-fledged ghosting is uncivil, but at least the ghoster accepts their immaturity by taking the easy way out and never coming back.” On the other hand, she explains in an interview given to Stylist magazine that micro-ghosting is a form of narcissism. “The abuser has mixed intentions. He values control of the relationship, rather than expressing how he really feels.”
In other words, the micro-ghost imposes its rhythm. He can easily ignore you and leave you in sight for several days in a row, then quietly come back to you claiming an overload of work or a lack of time. This behavior can have a negative aspect on mental health. Like the phenomenon of ghosting, it creates many doubts, insecurities and questioning, feeds low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in the person who is the victim. Contrary to what one might think, this practice also exists outside romantic relationships. Friendly and professional relationships are also affected. The relationship coach advises paying attention to these warning signs. It invites anyone who thinks they are the object of it, to impose limits. Sometimes it will be necessary to initiate a conversation to close the chapter and begin the healing process. On the other hand, keep in mind that if the other does not answer “silence is also an answer”.
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